Yelling

 So I'm going to touch on a subject that I struggle with everyday, yelling. My hats off to those moms who are soft spoken and almost all the time patient. I unfortunately am not one of those. I might be small in stature but I sure do pack a loud voice and patience is always going to be something I need to work on. Back to the yelling subject. Today was one of them. Three year old twin boys have a very hard time listening. I pretty much tried everything today from talking quiet to time out. Where did I end up??? That's right, I started yelling. I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood could hear me today. After my explosion I ran down stairs and pick up my phone. Hurried and texted to my husband. My text said the following in caps... "I'M A BAD MOM!!!" I know at the end of the day I'm not a bad mom. I try really hard in being a good mom, but I'm not perfect. After realizing how horrific I really sounded I went up and apologized to my boys and explained to them why mommy was upset. We came to hugs, kisses and a resolution but I want to avoid that next time. Soooo I went to LDS.org and found this great article on yelling. To view the article I read please click the link below.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/07/what-i-would-do-differently-as-a-parent?lang=eng

This paragraph from the article struck accord with me.

"After yelling at my kids for the better part of 20 years, I have learned what 3 Nephi 11:29 [3 Ne. 11:29] means: “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil.” Allowing the spirit of contention to enter our home allowed darkness and depression to enter. It fostered meanness and self-centeredness, and nearly destroyed unity, love, and family relationships."

 I thought to myself, man I really don't want contention in my home because I don't want anything to destroy my family unity. So when I feel like I'm going crazy and want to yell, I really need to try and remind myself that I don't want contention in my home. I'm going to try to say a little prayer to keep perspective and take the best approach possible in handling stressful situations with my kiddos.

 One more part I loved in the article basically says “put away the paddle and try to have family prayer and scripture study in the morning to start our day off right and bring the family together.” Hold the phone! Never even thought about praying with my little ones in the morning to try and start the day off better. So there you have it, that is going to be my new mommy goal. I'm going to try and pray with my little ones and read a scripture to invite the spirit in our home and start our day off on the right foot. Sounds like you really can't go wrong with this one.  Thanks for reading!


Kindest Regards
Mit freundlichen Grüßen


Stephanie

Some days I feel so discouraged with my parenting efforts that it brings me to tears, and moments of feeling very depressed. If it has been one of those days where I have been tightly wound, and have not taken a little time to seek peace in my life (which for me is reading the scriptures and praying), then I almost inevitably end up yelling at my kids.

I notice a striking difference in the type of parent I am when I take the time to read my scriptures and have a little quiet time of my own. I have more patience with my kids. I speak kinder. I am more motivated to actually play with them.

Let me share with you an excerpt from a speech given by a man that I greatly respect and love, Brad Wilcox. The reason I share this excerpt is in the context of the feelings of imperfection and discouragement that I have endlessly dealth with while since becoming a mom. Read for yourself, how he relates practicing piano to Jesus Christ's Atonement:

"Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. How many know what I am talking about? Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.

If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.

In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matthew 4:19), “Keep my commandments” (John 14:15)....

The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change....

So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2)."
                                                                                                -Brad Wilcox, BYU Speech 2011

 

Here is the link if you want to read the whole thing, which I highly recommend! http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1966

This was a huge mental breakthrough for me when I read this. I will never be the perfect mom if I am trying to do it all on my own, relying on my imperfect self to magically do it all each and every day (without totally losing it). This speech helped me see that my Heavenly Father does not expect me to do this alone. I can rely on my Savior Jesus Christ's grace, and pray for that enabling power, each and every day, to make the improvements that I need to.

Inspiration Needed

   Most of you don't know much about me yet but in June we moved from one state to another. I have never moved in my life. I was born and raised in my home state. My family is there and so is my husbands. When we prayed and made the decision to look for jobs out of state I told my husband that I would only move to a certain state. So he started looking there and low and behold he got a job in the state I wanted to live in. That was a definite answer to our prayers that this move was the right thing for our little family. So we took the job, found a house, rented our house, and moved in less than a month. It was exciting and so freakishly scary all at once. I knew it was right but I have had good days and bad days since moving. I miss family and friends. I miss my house and garden I worked so hard on to make my own. However I'm very grateful for the friends I have made here. Especially grateful for the friends that inspire me to be a better person, just like the ones that have asked me to join this blog. Speaking of the blog, this whole introduction leads into my story as to why I needed inspiration one dreary morning.

   One of the days I was supposed to blog I was having a very bad morning. My kids started fighting right when they woke up. One of them drew all over the wall! (Don't worry it came off) At that moment I lost it. I felt like a tea pot that had been at its boiling point for to long. I dropped myself on my bedroom floor and started crying. I turned in to a drama queen. I felt like this is to much for me and I was one BIG wimp. Aren't I supposed to have the mothering thing down where day to day situations that are going to happen regardless, don't drive me crazy. I should have more patience, right? After crying for a brief moment, my little angles came down to give me a hug. I new I just needed to brace myself and work through today. My boys are amazing and actually really good boys. I just was struggling with all of these big changes and that I took it out on them. Totally unfair.

   Later that morning, still feeling pretty lame. I dragged myself to my computer. I started typing a blog post and realized that I wasn't holding it together very well how can I write a positive uplifting blog. So I opened up LDS.org and started reading about subjects I know I needed to work on. About an hour later I started feeling better and inspired. I'm a good mom and everyone has bad and good days including our kids. I need to cut myself a break, pick myself up and change my attitude. Everything is actually great! Everyone is healthy and happy. I wrote my blog post for that day which was on love at home. It was the inspirational thought and post I needed that day. I felt very strongly in my heart that I needed to share this story because at our most vulnerable god is there for us. I didn't want to blog but when I started reading scriptures and talks on LDS.org my heart was calm and I felt like I could take on the day. I hope that we can provide inspiration like the kind I got that day through this blog. So people will feel uplifted and their hearts will be calm. We all go through rough days and no one is ever alone. Especially with God in our lives.

Kindest Regards

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Stephanie

I want to talk about the dangers of comparing ourselves to other moms.

We are moms in a whole new era and therefore we have to deal with things that our moms never had to worry about.  A lot of our world is involved with things through the online medium. We see pictures of each others' lives far more than we did ten years ago, which is great for feeling more knowledgeable about each others' lives. But it definitely has some negative side effects as well.

Here's an example scenario.
 You had a rough morning with your kids. You argued with your oldest child about wearing appropriate clothing to school in the 30 degree weather, had to deal with a 4 year-old who didn't want to clean up any of his own messes, and made about 30 trips to the bathroom with the potty-training twins. You are feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. Not to mention that you didn't get a ton of sleep last night.  So naptime comes, and you sit at the computer to peruse Facebook, check your email, and see what's going on in the world.

As you scroll through your friends' posts, a lot of whom are moms as well, you look at the pictures of their beautiful children playing happily together. You look in the background of the photo to see that their house is actually clean. You start to compare yourself to these photos. My house is a wreck! My kids are lucky to even have clothes on today! You start to feel envious of others' lives and situations. You feel like you aren't a good mom. You start to feel discontent.

Why? Comparison. When we choose to look horizontally at what we think others' have and we don't, we feel dissatisfied and unhappy. When in reality, we are not getting realistic glimpses of people's real lives through blogs and Facebook. Most of the time we are getting the best moments of people's days. Mothers forty years ago, had no idea what their friends were up to unless they called them and got to hear first-hand, the screaming children in the background.

I have learned that I am much happier when I keep myself focused above, looking vertically to my Heavenly Father. Elder David A. Bednar, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said,

 "A grateful person is rich in contentment. An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment (see Luke 12:15)."  By expressing gratitude for our blessings often, we will feel more content with what we have. Instead of always seeking more, more, more. Oh, and looking at Facebook less helps too.

What kids should “Know”

I know I have felt the day to day pressures that your kids should be doing this and that in their education/activities and that they should be or already have developed such and such skills. I work really hard to make sure my kids are learning because I decided to do home school preschool. I get so caught up in what society thinks they should “know” that I tend to get to structured and serious with my little boys. At the end of the day, whats most important is that they “know” there is love in the home. I was reading this article about love at home and it gave me some good perspective.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2004/09/love-at-home?lang=eng&query=love+at+home

I like how it simply states in this article that you can strengthen your family as you learn, play serve and work together. My boys will learn with us as a family and at the same time it will strengthen us and let them know they are loved. Every child learns at their own pace and as parents we should be working with them to help them be successful but keep in mind whats important. Its not a competition. Forget what society is pushing on parents and children. Work with them continually, learn together as a family and teach with love in the home.   

Sister Barbara B. Smith, Relief Society general president from 1974 to 1984, said: “Remember that a family established in love … is maintained through work and service. A home is strengthened by work when workers receive respect”

This quote is awesome! We need to work and serve together as a family. Teaching my kids their ABC's is important but teaching and showing them how to serve others and work together is extremely important. That will bind us as a family and teach us how to better respect one another.

I want and hope my kids “know” that they are in a very loving home. It is important to help them academically but in order for any of that to be successful you need to have a strong base to build that upon. The “base” being love in the home and a strong family unit.



Kindest Regards
Mit freundlichen Grüßen


Stephanie

Being a mom to one child was hard.

Being a mom to two children was hard.

And now being a mom to four children is still hard.

I feel like with every child that has been added to the bunch, I get less and less patient, and I yell more and more. Shouldn't I be gaining more wisdom with each child?

I have always wanted, and continue to want, to be a better mom. There is always something (or lots of somethings) that I don’t feel I am doing a good job at. Some days I am distracted, rushed, frazzled. Some days I am rushing the children along all day long. Some days I yell. Some days all the noise drives me crazy. But when I am able to remember how precious this time is while my kids are young, I actually savor the little moments of sitting and reading book after book with a most captive audience.

I seem to have a cycle of good parenting and bad parenting. I have really bad mommy moments, where I get upset with my child over something really miniscule and then I feel guilty. So I study and search for nuggets of wisdom to guide me in my journey of motherhood. I yearn for inspiring quotes that I can keep on the forefront of my mind as I go throughout some of the mundane moments of motherhood, to remember this truly eternal and important role that I have been placed in. These quotes and knowledge inspire me, and truly do help me be a better mom. But then my memory fades with the days that go on, and those quotes aren't there in my mind and memory to help me anymore, and I fall back into my old ways of being inpatient and getting upset over little things.

My goal in contributing to this blog, is to provide a place where we can all be open and honest about the struggles and joys we have as mothers. And to motivate and inspire each other to be the mothers that God wants us to be.

Interview with Karen Payne, here is the description from the Mormon Channel:

"As a girl in a small Montana town, Karen Payne went to confession regularly at a nearby church. Her story of joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints amid opposition is one story, but a more unique aspect of her life is having ten children and watching all eight who have thus far reached missionary age serve missions for the Church-- all of this without the help of a husband who was traveling for work most of the time. This Conversations interview displays some of what she has learned from her experience. Some of her traits are reflected by excerpts from short interviews with each of her ten children taped prior to the interview." http://www.mormonchannel.org/conversations/karen-payne

Karen being interviewed

     Ever since I was a little girl I  wanted to be a mother. There was no question in my mind about it. I had always known it.  However, I have found (like many of you) that maternity in reality is a lot different from my childhood daydreams.  Some days seem like I haven't accomplished much. I find myself invaded by feelings of  guilt, frustration, confusion,  doubts about me and my abilities more often than what I would like to admit. Some may say that it's normal, that you can't separate those feelings when you love your children. Maternity comes in one beautiful package: all the good and the less desirable together.  Other days I wish I could take a break,  freeze my kids in time and do something different, but then I think to myself, "what would I do instead?" I come to the resounding conclusion that there is nothing else I would rather do, please don't get me wrong. I do enjoy a lot being a mother. I have conscientiously chosen to be a mother. I want to be a mother with all my soul.  But I want to find the better mother that is in me, somewhere I know she is there.   I understand the important role that I play in my family's life and so I want to do it to the best of my abilities.  Finding and reading uplifting talks on motherhood regularly seems to help me keep on the right track, at least for a couple days, hence this blog.  So I hope that as I share what I find inspiring,  I internalize those concepts  and  in the process  we both can improve.  So let's more fully commit to better ourselves.  Let's grow together.  I want to find more joy and less guilt. I want to relish and discover all the little hidden treasures in this challenging but rewarding trail.  What do you say?