Some days I feel so discouraged with my parenting efforts that it brings me to tears, and moments of feeling very depressed. If it has been one of those days where I have been tightly wound, and have not taken a little time to seek peace in my life (which for me is reading the scriptures and praying), then I almost inevitably end up yelling at my kids.
I notice a striking difference in the type of parent I am when I take the time to read my scriptures and have a little quiet time of my own. I have more patience with my kids. I speak kinder. I am more motivated to actually play with them.
Let me share with you an excerpt from a speech given by a man that I greatly respect and love, Brad Wilcox. The reason I share this excerpt is in the context of the feelings of imperfection and discouragement that I have endlessly dealth with while since becoming a mom. Read for yourself, how he relates practicing piano to Jesus Christ's Atonement:
"Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. How many know what I am talking about? Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.
If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.
In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matthew 4:19), “Keep my commandments” (John 14:15)....
The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change....
So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2)."
-Brad Wilcox, BYU Speech 2011
This was a huge mental breakthrough for me when I read this. I will never be the perfect mom if I am trying to do it all on my own, relying on my imperfect self to magically do it all each and every day (without totally losing it). This speech helped me see that my Heavenly Father does not expect me to do this alone. I can rely on my Savior Jesus Christ's grace, and pray for that enabling power, each and every day, to make the improvements that I need to.
