Yelling

 So I'm going to touch on a subject that I struggle with everyday, yelling. My hats off to those moms who are soft spoken and almost all the time patient. I unfortunately am not one of those. I might be small in stature but I sure do pack a loud voice and patience is always going to be something I need to work on. Back to the yelling subject. Today was one of them. Three year old twin boys have a very hard time listening. I pretty much tried everything today from talking quiet to time out. Where did I end up??? That's right, I started yelling. I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood could hear me today. After my explosion I ran down stairs and pick up my phone. Hurried and texted to my husband. My text said the following in caps... "I'M A BAD MOM!!!" I know at the end of the day I'm not a bad mom. I try really hard in being a good mom, but I'm not perfect. After realizing how horrific I really sounded I went up and apologized to my boys and explained to them why mommy was upset. We came to hugs, kisses and a resolution but I want to avoid that next time. Soooo I went to LDS.org and found this great article on yelling. To view the article I read please click the link below.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/07/what-i-would-do-differently-as-a-parent?lang=eng

This paragraph from the article struck accord with me.

"After yelling at my kids for the better part of 20 years, I have learned what 3 Nephi 11:29 [3 Ne. 11:29] means: “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil.” Allowing the spirit of contention to enter our home allowed darkness and depression to enter. It fostered meanness and self-centeredness, and nearly destroyed unity, love, and family relationships."

 I thought to myself, man I really don't want contention in my home because I don't want anything to destroy my family unity. So when I feel like I'm going crazy and want to yell, I really need to try and remind myself that I don't want contention in my home. I'm going to try to say a little prayer to keep perspective and take the best approach possible in handling stressful situations with my kiddos.

 One more part I loved in the article basically says “put away the paddle and try to have family prayer and scripture study in the morning to start our day off right and bring the family together.” Hold the phone! Never even thought about praying with my little ones in the morning to try and start the day off better. So there you have it, that is going to be my new mommy goal. I'm going to try and pray with my little ones and read a scripture to invite the spirit in our home and start our day off on the right foot. Sounds like you really can't go wrong with this one.  Thanks for reading!


Kindest Regards
Mit freundlichen Grüßen


Stephanie

Some days I feel so discouraged with my parenting efforts that it brings me to tears, and moments of feeling very depressed. If it has been one of those days where I have been tightly wound, and have not taken a little time to seek peace in my life (which for me is reading the scriptures and praying), then I almost inevitably end up yelling at my kids.

I notice a striking difference in the type of parent I am when I take the time to read my scriptures and have a little quiet time of my own. I have more patience with my kids. I speak kinder. I am more motivated to actually play with them.

Let me share with you an excerpt from a speech given by a man that I greatly respect and love, Brad Wilcox. The reason I share this excerpt is in the context of the feelings of imperfection and discouragement that I have endlessly dealth with while since becoming a mom. Read for yourself, how he relates practicing piano to Jesus Christ's Atonement:

"Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. How many know what I am talking about? Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.

If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.

In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matthew 4:19), “Keep my commandments” (John 14:15)....

The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change....

So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2)."
                                                                                                -Brad Wilcox, BYU Speech 2011

 

Here is the link if you want to read the whole thing, which I highly recommend! http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1966

This was a huge mental breakthrough for me when I read this. I will never be the perfect mom if I am trying to do it all on my own, relying on my imperfect self to magically do it all each and every day (without totally losing it). This speech helped me see that my Heavenly Father does not expect me to do this alone. I can rely on my Savior Jesus Christ's grace, and pray for that enabling power, each and every day, to make the improvements that I need to.